Not a Second to Waste
by White Pontiac Heaven
Summary: These, I believe, are the complications of a contradicting heart. Casey/Elliot, R&R please!


**Side Note**: So I was supposed to update Past Tense, Future Perfect (sorry bella :( ) and Red Velvet, but I failed and ended up with this odd thing. Two down, thirteen stories to go! If you seem to recognize random sentences in this oneshot, it's because they're actually lyrics from A Rocket to the Moon's "Not a Second to Waste" (hence the title). I decided that for this story, rather than having lyrics in italics, it'd work better if I were to sew them into the story itself. I think it turned out okay. :) Oh, and just so we're clear, this is in Casey's pov, and the "he" she mentions isn't anyone from SVU.

p.s. NEW SVU TONIGHT. (:

**Disclaimer**: I own nada, just the simple idea of inserting lyrics discretely in the story. All mistakes are mine, no beta.

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These, I believe, are the complications of a contradicting heart.

I'm checking your pulse, I'm giving you air, but your body disagrees. And no, it doesn't care at all. I'm wasting my time. I wish I knew how you felt, if we have the same thoughts. We used to, you know, in the beginning. I liked us in the beginning. To outsiders, we were just a new couple. To us, we were a new mind to know. I know you now. When you're lying next to me, when I see you breathe, I know you even then. I know how your heart works, how it builds itself up and up just so it can fall, and how it'll repeat itself over and over until the day you die. I love you. I think I'm in love with you.

We're too alike, you and I. We step on each other's words and hope that making love with stop us from hurting. We need someone else, to show us we're wrong, don't we?

Now your eyes roll awake, you're looking at me. You call me Darling and ask what happened, if you fell asleep. You did. I needed the time to think, but not alone. I can't say no to your touch, like you can mine. I'm daring myself right now, to be tough. Or at least pretend to be. Your fingers touch my leg, lightly though. Just lightly, and you carry me home, because we know I wasn't here.

I know, I'm supposed to limit the trips I make to the back of my mind, but I have my reasons for my abrupt disappearances. I'm organizing, sorting this mess. Someone has to, you can understand that. You were once like this, when you and Kathy were separating and you couldn't decide between us. Me or her.

You picked me. I don't like that. I like to think you picked your freedom rather than me. You picked downtown over the suburbs. I just happen to be a resident of the former, that's all. I think at first you got that, you knew we were just trying this out for size. We weren't jumping into anything. But then you tell me you love me, and now I don't know what I'm supposed to do. You promised that if I were every question I've ever wanted to be, you'd always be the answer. I was in love with you, right then. Only then.

You're safe. You're beautiful. You're amazing. You're jaded and you're our lovely spine. Your laugh makes me laugh. You're everything and anything. Everything and anything I don't want. You're too safe. You're not jaded enough and I've grown my own lovely spine. It holds me together just fine.

I'm closing your blinds and I'm shutting your eyes. You're what I'm supposed to want. I can't give you up, you're worth every thought I've ever given you.

Let's try this again and this time don't laugh 'cause I'm working on my sentences. I'm working on my play on words. I'll get it this time. I hope. If you'll give me another chance. I can't ask you for one though, I could never ask you for the many second chances I've desperately needed. You don't know I need one. You probably never will, not unless you ever saw me with him. I know how we look together. He's only a friend. But he looks at me the way you never have, the same look I've never given you, but return to him endlessly.

He hugs me and I breathe him in. He looks at me and my heart drops. But he smiles and I think of you. Always you. You seem to creep your way into everything, his smile, my heart, your kids' eyes. I love those little mini versions of you, with their devious smirks and deep eyes. I heard Dick ask if you were planning to marry me. I hope you know I'd say no.

I see him looking at me, out of the corner of his eye. He stares at me, but his mind is somewhere else. I used to be like this with you. I used to think of you, dream of you, wish for you. I'd sing you a song but I'm feeling quite off in my heart. It's occupied, and this time, it isn't you filling every empty space inside of my heart. It isn't you that's in tune with my heart beat. It just isn't you.

I don't mind wasting my time with you, but I'm going to close your blinds now, shut your eyes now. We're not trying this again. My words are jumbled and with him, I don't need to create a sentence. With him I don't need to speak. I'm counting the times I've lied to your face. My hands are full. I don't love you. I'm not in love with you.

You don't love me. You're not in love with me. You were in love with the idea of someone else.

You think I don't see the way you stare at the world, like it's everything you'll ever need? Like everything we swore we meant is nothing and Time Square holds all the answers. There's more to life than us, you know that. I hope you find whatever it you're looking for. Maybe you're just following the very road you strayed from; maybe it's different this time because you're doing it alone. Maybe you and her were meant for each other all along. You just had to figure it out for yourself.

You can check my pulse, give me air, but I will disagree.

You've wasted my time.

And I'm done wasting yours. Ask her to try this again. You could use each other. Let's not waste what time we have left.

I write that on your skin at night, when you're asleep, because I am a clock and you are the time and I wait patiently when you're out of line. We just don't align as often as we used to. We had to end sometime. There isn't a second to waste. Now's not the time to dwell and regret or miss. Don't miss me, I won't miss you. We'll see one another on Monday, like we always do.

Now's when you have your moment of clarity, when you realize what really matters, then save it before you lose it completely.

I've closed your blinds, shut your eyes. And now I'm afraid I have to go because you're not the one I believe in. I feel for him what I don't feel for you. He'll carry me home, because I know I wasn't here. You know I wasn't here. And I'll run if I have to, with not a second to waste.

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**S/N**: I might add an extra chapter or two to this, in third person and explain flat out. Depends though, I kinda like it's skiddishness. Anyway, reviews!? (:


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